Healing a Hitler heart

Have you ever hated a specific group of people so much that if they were set on fire and you had the ability to put it out but you hesitated because you had to think about whether or not they deserved to live??

It's sad that I would ever admit to having this much hate in my heart for a specific group but as a follower of Jesus Christ I need to shed His light on it or I can NEVER truly FOLLOW HIM.
The purpose and plans of God for my life will be (and has been) stalled and no matter how much I try to manipulate my journey to move forward I will always fall short and go around the same damn mountain again because the root of my hate was never plucked out.

BUT... it's time.

For 2018, I do NOT want to continue the year with this much anger, bitterness, and hate inside of me because I've been called to walk alongside these same people. These people that I now call my brothers and sisters in Christ. My spiritual siblings.

Lets address my journey with religious leaders and how God brought me to a place where I can see them as human beings able to do more good than harm.

It's not enough to "tolerate" people. YOU MUST LOVE THEM!!!

Before my dad died we had three conversations and the first conversation that we had (after 18 years of not talking to each other) I shared with him my choice to be a Christian. 

He, of course, was displeased and concerned for me. He then said to me "Rina, remember how I raised you."

Of course I remember.
He was the reason I questioned every religion and spiritual person who came into my path. Whether a person was nice or not didn't matter because I had a very thick filter to screen out religious bullshit. Oh, yeah, his voice was heard loud and clear.

As a young girl being forced to conform into my mother's Catholic religion or be beaten to a pulp; I hungered for the god he said didn't exist. I wanted the "no god" he had because the "god" being represented to me was one of hate, lust, and pure evil. 

But at the same time my dad was an alcoholic who held little hope for human kind.

So, the question for me as a young girl was:

What is the purpose of being alive when the "god" being represented is one so hateful that I hated life and why fight to stay alive when there is nothing better than death? 

Why not just kill myself and end a journey that should've never begun?

This has been my decade long journey with the God I thought I knew. And at every turn He would reveal to me His truths and would not let go of me no matter how much I ran away from Him and clawed at His kids.

Every time I tried to escape His sight, even in the most lewd of places, He would put one of His kids in my path to remind me of His presence. Unfortunately, so did satan.
Spiritual warfare is no joke. 

So began my lessons to learn the difference between good and evil, right and wrong, love and hate, God and no god.
And my teachers all along the way... religious leaders. Some good and some not so good but all appointed to guide me along my journey.

Each leader flawed in a very specific way to remind me that my eyes are to stay on Jesus.
Each leader showcasing a weakness or strength that I am to learn from. Each leader extended grace sufficient enough for their own path set before them. A path that would momentarily cross my path to teach me of the God that loved me so much that He came to give me a heart of flesh for His people and His Spirit to guide my feet Home.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh"~ Ezekiel 36:26