Happy birthday baby girl!

Lord, let the story that you have entrusted me with be a showcase of Your love for us. Let my survival display Your sovereign care. Let no enemy on earth or hell steal what you have given me to share with Your children. May You be glorified with every word that is written.
In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

One of the lessons that I've had to learn when I came to grow in my knowledge and relationship with Jesus was that I needed to EMBRACE my past for what it was and push forward towards the future with the knowledge of what I had been given, all while being obedient to surrender to His call on my life to share my journey with Him.
It's a tall order but God has been faithful to light up the path He has ordained for me to walk and He has been very present.

In the beginning...
 

My birth parents named me Natalia. Today my name is Surina. 

The journey between those two names is 5 other names and exactly 39 years of struggling to discover:

• who I was
• where I came from
• who I belonged to
• why was I born

 I have discovered throughout my journey that sometimes the truth is, unfortunately, more painful than the lie I was told about my beginning.
However, I choose to except that pain because I know that God's got a reason for it.

In 2006, I met my biological mother and she gave me this picture of me. I want to love this baby girl well.

When I was almost twelve my mother sat me down at the kitchen table to tell me that we were going to be moving again and that before our next move she needed to share with me her version of my adoption.
She felt that it was important for me to know since we were moving to a place where my presence would stir up gossip. She wanted me to be prepared.
Well, she was right to warn me. Unfortunately, her version was not all truthful.

At that kitchen table my mother delivered to me a story so incredible that it's no wonder that I worshiped her for many years. To this day I love my mother dearly but the story I was told robbed me of any worth that I could have had as a twelve year-old girl. It has taken a lot of years to restore in me a sense of TRUE worth.

Story #1: The version I heard as a child.
Once upon a time there was a teenage girl skipping school and she came across a baby sitting near a pile of garbage. That baby was me. 
I was found with scabs covering my body and only wearing a diaper and I was holding a bottle of rotten milk. I was old enough to sit up but not move.
The girl didn't see anyone around and decided to stand from afar to see if anyone would come for me. As the day was closing towards night, the girl decided to take the abandoned baby home with her. When she brought the baby home to her parents the parents decided to call the police to see if someone had reported a missing baby. There was no report of a missing baby.
The girl's parents then asked the police if they could keep me until they found my real parents.
A week went by and they finally found my biological mother. When they tried to return me to her she did not want me back. My mother was a prostitute who could not care for me.
When the girl's parents were told that she had declined my return, they decided that they wanted to adopt me.
When my biological mother heard that this couple wanted to keep me she became greedy and decided to make a deal with them. She would make the adoption process easy for them if they bought her a travel ticket and a carton of cigarettes.
The couple made the deal with her but then they found out that I had a "very loving" biological father who would refuse to sign the papers but they gave him money too and that was it... the adoption was made.   
However, when my biological mother saw that I was growing healthy and beautiful she decided to kidnap me to sell me to a different family. She was found and beaten and I was returned back to my new family. 

In conclusion, I was rescued from a life of poverty and my hero was my new mother.
The End.

For two decades I lived believing this story and it always became the justification for why I didn't fight when I was repeatedly abused. I was made to believe that I deserved everything evil that came my way because of who my parents were and the conditions of how I was found. I was garbage and no one wanted me. The daughter of a prostitute who traded me for a carton of cigarettes and a ticket to leave town.

I was a curse.

It has taken a decade for God to slowly reveal to me the TRUTH of what really happened and who He intended me to be.

I strive to be a better human being. :)

Story #2: The version I've discovered thus far...
 Once upon a time there was a baby born to a couple who were having marital problems. That baby was me. I was their second child of three girls.
One day the wife was so overwhelmed by the stress of motherhood and her cheating husband that she gave his favorite child away without his permission.
The father became so distraught that he threatened to divorce her if she didn't get me back.
When she tried to get me back her request was denied. In her desperation she resorted to kidnapping. She was found and beaten and I was returned back to my adopted family.   
The defeated mother went on to divorce her husband and abandon her other two daughters. 
THE END.

Isn't it amazing what ONE HUMAN BABY can do before their first birthday??

1.      Yes, I was found but not in a pile of garbage. I was left on a bench near a stop sign at a farmer's market.

2.      No, my mother was NEVER a prostitute. She was a lesbian, which was worse to my Catholic mother.

3.      Yes, there was a trade of material and monetary value but it's inconclusive what that was. Cigarettes was definitely a part of the trade.

4.      No, my biological father was not "loving". He was a womanizer.

5.      And.... my biggest discovery was that both my mothers were childhood friends. They've know each other all their lives. They are very distant relatives.

The reason it was difficult for my biological mother to regain custody of me was because I was adopted into the most affluent group in our culture and when they wanted something (baby or not) they got it. Power took priority. 

When I look back at my life and the people who had a hand at molding me into the person I am today I can not help but look at both of my mothers and their journeys. Their story and pain weighs heavy on my heart. 

Sometimes I ask myself "Lord, was there no other way for them?"
I can't help but wonder how different their lives would have been had they both had husbands who loved them. Instead they were abused by the men who promised to love them and whose children they carried. 

They were made to fight battles for their children that they should never have fought.
 

I have been BLESSED.
 

I don't look back at my story anymore and see an abandoned baby or a young life riddled with abuse.

I look back and ask myself:

• How can I make sure that what happened to me never happens again?

• How do I make sure that a woman is NEVER so overwhelmed by motherhood that she throws that baby away??

• How do I make sure that abandoned children understand their value as a human being when their own parents tell them that they're a worthless mistake??

The ONLY answer I got is JESUS CHRIST.

He showed me that I was born for a purpose and with a plan that ONLY HE can unveil.

He is my Hope and why I share my story. 

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity" ~ Jeremiah 29:11-14