Monday, April 20, 2015

A No-church "INNER CIRCLE" Day

I haven't gone to a church in almost 3 weeks.

Actually, I haven't gone to church due to being out of town and sick but yesterday I could have gone but I chose not to. My family needed to have a "no-church" day.
Traveling and being sick literally drained me and all I wanted was a day with my little family that was stress free.

A day where we didn't have to get up and think about what to wear, where to park, where to sit, what mood to be in and if we didn't want to talk -- we didn't have to.
A day of silence. :)

I wanted an "inner-circle" fellowship day. An "us" day.
A real Sabbath day of REST.

That's what I wanted for my family when I decided not to go...
And that's EXACTLY what God blessed me with:

We sat in our pjs and watched an AWESOME sermon.
We ate Daddy's DELICIOUS breakfast.

We then walked to the park while being kissed by the BEAUTY of nature.

My little cutie ENJOYED eating a Cutie.
Before finding a FRIENDLY froggy to freak mommy out.

And then we just played, played, played. ALL DAY :)

If you're reading this and thinking "Oh, then this proves that going to church is not necessary" SORRY  to disappoint you but that's not what this blog is about.

Hebrews 10:25 encourages Christians to fellowship together because we all have a part to play in the body of Christ.
I go out of obedience to the God I love. It's not easy but He gets me through it every time. A lot of times I leave never wanting to return but I love Jesus and believe in His promise to care for my family.
Lord, willing, I will blog one day about my journey on the days I never want to return to church. I learned a lot on those days about God's faithfulness.

Anyways, I felt led to share this day because everything that led up to this day, even me being sick, is a lesson in my journey with Jesus. I had a week of travel and a week of being sick. Sunday is our only family day together because of church. We are busy. Too busy. :(
Jesus had me right where He needed me to be in order for me to listen.

I am a Martha.

Martha in the Bible (Luke 10:40) is someone who is so busy trying to serve Jesus that she never stops long enough to LEARN from Jesus. He was trying to share Himself with her but she was too busy. That is me.
I had a pastor say to me, when I offered help, "no. I see you everywhere. You're gonna burn out". At first I was like "what?" and now I'm grateful that he was wise enough to see what I couldn't or wouldn't see. 

I love being a "Martha" because I'm a doer BUT if my "doing" is not guiding me in the direction of my INTENDED purpose for why I was born then -- I need to STOP and LISTEN for Him.

I need to be a Mary.
At least for this season in my life.

Mary in the Bible (Luke 10:39) sat at Jesus' feet to LISTEN and LEARN from Him.
People like "Mary" drive me crazy. My husband is a Mary. Which makes for a very interesting marriage.
People like Mary move slowly. They analyze to death. They might as well be Lazarus.

But I will strive to sit in my "Mary" season of life and

"Be still and know...God"


I will try (with all that's in me) not to grumble.

My Prayer:
Lord, Please help me to be still for this season and only move when You say "move". 

Thursday, April 2, 2015

The Armor of God

I've been wounded. I'm hurt and bleeding. Everywhere.

Some of my closest friends know I awake every morning and my first prayer, before I do anything, is to put on God's armor (Ephesian 6:10).
To me, clothes mean nothing without His armor. It's like walking naked into a battle. I want to be prepared!

However, for the past week I have been struggling to put my armor on. I've been getting attacks left and right. But because I know the power and importance of putting on God's armor; I have been reading Ephesian 6:10 (for the past two days) to help me until I can put on His armor again by prayer and meditation.
His armor is so IMPORTANT that I have it posted at my doorways.

However, this morning, I awoke frustrated and angry and refused to armor up because I felt that God was allowing me to feel this "heaviness" and I was mad. I was tired of fighting a battle I couldn't win.

I went to my prayer group this morning thinking that if I shared what I was going through then they could pray for me and the "heaviness" would be removed.
But as I saw all the prayer needs on our list I felt too ashamed to share that I was angry at God for no real legitimate reason. During that time my "heaviness" no longer mattered.

After all the prayer requests were lifted up I felt better and blessed but the "heaviness" returned and became ever present. I couldn't shake it.

I finally decided to share my heavy heart with my husband since I wasn't getting a revelation any other way. Within minutes God faithfully revealed to me that I was trying to cover a wound that He was trying to "air out".

He visually showed me that when one of my kids get a cut that bleeds, I immediately get something to stop the bleeding. Then I wait for the bleeding to stop long enough for me to apply hydrogen peroxide and an antibiotic cream. I then find just the right size band-aid to keep the wound secure for the healing process to begin. After a few days or weeks (depending on the cut) I remove the band-aid to air out the healing wound. The wound then (now exposed to light and air) scabs over and finishes its healing process.

The Lord then said to me:
"Surina, I'm trying to air you out and the scar your scab leaves behind depends on whether you will trust Me to finish your healing or not. If you choose to peel the scab then I will let you see it bleed again and leave a darker, more permanent scar.
BUT if you trust Me, then I will heal you and the scar will only be a memory".

He then revealed to me that the reason I was struggling to "armor up" was because I was using His armor to hide not fight. I was using His armor inappropriately.

His armor is for warriors on the battlefield. Not for spectators watching from the sidelines.

When I finally opened up about what I was struggling with to my husband I was allowing my wound to "air out". In other words - God wants me to share my scabs until they are fully healed.

In the first pages of "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren it states:
"Real Spiritual growth is never an isolated, individualistic pursuit. Maturity is produced through relationships and community."

Well, here I am, again. Trying to "air out" and grow. Stepping out in faith, hoping to heal sooner than later.