That was NEVER the case for me.
All the times, as a child, that I thought I was talking to myself ... it was ALWAYS HIM at the other end.
As I sat outside the club alone smoking my cigarette I felt like I was being watched (something I was use to but this set of eyes felt heavy and different) and before I could look to see the person, in glowing white at the furthest part of my left peripheral vision, I heard a voice speak so clearly that I couldn't ignore it. It was a very familiar voice.
It spoke to me so LOUDLY that I couldn't hear the music. I was so irritated that I just obeyed it because I wanted it to leave me alone.
My friends thought I was crazy but I knew what I knew and knew what I heard.
I still didn’t know whose voice I heard but I was POSITIVE that I was now heading in the right direction.
(on our first date I scared the crap out of our waitress and Paul never lets me forget how cruel I was. I don't think I want to forget. It keeps me kind.)
As a “girlfriend” I was wild and my "ways" were reckless and he REFUSED to have any of it.
He equated sex with meaning. My internal voice was screaming -- what in the hell is going on?!
At that time he never told me why he refused me, he just admired my nakedness and then turned me down and turned away. He was the weirdest man I had ever met.
Trying to understand how come I couldn't seduce this man was frustrating. Especially knowing that he was "the one" that was suppose to give me my son.
I started to doubt the voice I heard because I couldn't understand what was blocking my advances.
He finally told me (during our boat cruise pictured above) that he needed to get away from me. Honestly, I was shocked. I had never met a man like that before. He was so weird.
What Paul shared that night was that everything in him wanted to disobey BUT he was told TWO THINGS by the God he served:
I was trained as a young girl that men were ONLY for breeding. Other than that, they were useless. There was no such thing as “love”.
With Paul, I was FORCED to get to know him as a person, as a human, and as a child of The Living God.
I was FORCED to invest in him and allow him to invest in me.
He was the first person I ever spoke to about my past. He was the first person to be angry for me. We were becoming friends.
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord."~ Psalm 27:13,14