Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Why am I blogging?

 If I told you that blogging was my idea -- I'd be lying. Blogging was something that I knew that God had put in my heart back in 2012. I told Him that it's a bad idea and that I didn't have the time or the experience. But, out of pure obedience, I started a blog: http://mindyourownjourney.blogspot.com/

I tried writing when I felt led to do so but I hated the time and effort of having to share what God was doing in my life at that time. Blogging, I honestly thought, is a waste of time. And in 2012 time was in short supply that year.
2012 started off with people moving in and out of my home. It also had many family members die including my adoptive dad.
I wrote about it in my old blog.

2012 was a tough year for our family but it was also the year that God revealed His AMAZING power to us. God revealed Himself over and over through circumstances that were painful and unavoidable but we, as a family, had a choice to either be selfish with our blessings or dig in our heels and ask God for help.

We chose to kneel, fall on our faces and ask God for help.

That year my home became a haven for His kids. My door became revolving and it was like God stepped in and said "okay, Surina, this home is no longer yours, stand back and watch". I couldn't do anything but move aside and wait for instructions. 2012  was so crazy that when I look back at everything -- I'm amazed!!
  • I'm amazed at how my very struggling marriage pulled together enough to love on others. Our "guests" had so many more problems that it trumped ours. My husband and I had to work as a team. Prayer became a huge part of our family life.
  • I'm amazed at how my kids were willing to sacrifice themselves to help others by sharing everything they had. Their rooms, their stuff, and even their parents. 
  • And last but not least: I was amazed at how our finances, our food, our toiletries, our EVERYTHING was stretched to a point that I thought we'd break. But we didn't.
Just when we thought that we couldn't pay for a bill or we weren't able to go on another day -- the money came in, the food came in, the clothes came in, the people came in.
Yes! God used His Church to show us that we can trust Him. That He was sufficiant to provide all that we needed that year. I had never experienced Him or His Church in that way - ever! It was humbling.

I truly thought that I had seen all that God could do... then came 2013.

2013 was my year of God saying "Surina, let me show you what I pulled you from". I really don't know how else to explain it. It was like God picked me up by my big, fat, self-centered head and put me in some sort of invisible bubble that blocked me from interacting with the outside world. I wish I could better describe it.
I was blocked from almost everything that could feed me my normal dose of "worldly" information (social media, news, radio, magazines, people, everything). I thought I was going crazy.

I got sick every time I tried to go into a social network or started to read or watch the news. Every time someone spoke to me about something that was happening in the world, I had to ask them to stop or I'd change the subject because I would physically get sick. I physically got dizzy and wanted to vomit.
I know it sounds crazy but as I sit and write this, I'm so grateful that God set me aside for that moment because I now have a better understanding of why He needed to pull me away.

I have a VERY "SPECIFIC" CALLING on my life and it was time for me to learn. My calling and purpose is VERY specific. I don't know what it is but I'm willing to try.

You see, now that I had a better idea of Who I was dealing with from 2012, I now needed to learn WHY HE was needing to deal with me. Why me? and What for? It's a fair question.

In 2013, He sent me to three different hospitals in two different states. In all three hospitals, I was a continual visitor or caregiver in their NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit).
Who does that to someone who is not a big fan of babies?? Especially ones that are sick.
God willing, I will blog about my NICU time and share what it was like for God to show me how solid, cold, and hard my heart was. And, honestly, I saw nothing wrong.

Anyways, now, that it's 2014, I wonder -- what's next??

So far 2014 has started off strong. I'm back home and I'm excited to see what God has in store for us as a family but I'm more excited to know how He's gonna use us. We shall see...and, hopefully, I'm more prepared than I was the previous years.

So, my blogging is out of my wanting to be OBEDIENT to the God I want to serve whole-heartedly.

I don't know what God will do with this blog. And, yes, I do know that it's time consuming.
Being a blogger takes a lot of commitment and it's hard to share the happenings of life when you're in the moment and God is dealing with your "humanness".
However, I know that He has called me to this. I don't understand why it's better because nothing says "she's crazy" than sharing that God talks to me. Right? Wrong!

I have discovered that when you accept Jesus as your personal Savior, then it's one of the MANY perks to being His follower. He died for us so we could, PERSONALLY, speak to God. No more need for a priest. Why wouldn't I accept such a beneficial gift? I'm grateful Jesus thought that I was worth it! :)

Also, if I was seeking attention, my goodness, there are SO MANY other ways to do it. Being a blogger is not one of them.

As for sharing my journey:
The Bible states in Luke 21:13 that we are to bear testimony to Him. We are not our own.