The Armor of God

I've been wounded. I'm hurt and bleeding. Everywhere.

Some of my closest friends know I awake every morning and my first prayer, before I do anything, is to put on God's armor (Ephesian 6:10).
To me, clothes mean nothing without His armor. It's like walking naked into a battle. I want to be prepared!

However, for the past week I have been struggling to put my armor on. I've been getting attacks left and right. But because I know the power and importance of putting on God's armor; I have been reading Ephesian 6:10 (for the past two days) to help me until I can put on His armor again by prayer and meditation.

His armor is so IMPORTANT that I have it posted at my doorways.

However, this morning, I awoke frustrated and angry and refused to armor up because I felt that God was allowing me to feel this "heaviness" and I was mad. I was tired of fighting a battle I couldn't win.

I went to my prayer group this morning thinking that if I shared what I was going through then they could pray for me and the "heaviness" would be removed.
But as I saw all the prayer needs on our list I felt too ashamed to share that I was angry at God for no real legitimate reason. During that time my "heaviness" no longer mattered.

After all the prayer requests were lifted up I felt better and blessed but the "heaviness" returned and became ever present. I couldn't shake it.

I finally decided to share my heavy heart with my husband since I wasn't getting a revelation any other way. Within minutes God faithfully revealed to me that I was trying to cover a wound that He was trying to "air out".

He visually showed me that when one of my kids get a cut that bleeds, I immediately get something to stop the bleeding. Then I wait for the bleeding to stop long enough for me to apply hydrogen peroxide and an antibiotic cream. I then find just the right size band-aid to keep the wound secure for the healing process to begin. After a few days or weeks (depending on the cut) I remove the band-aid to air out the healing wound. The wound then (now exposed to light and air) scabs over and finishes its healing process.

The Lord then said to me:
"Surina, I'm trying to air you out and the scar your scab leaves behind depends on whether you will trust Me to finish your healing or not. If you choose to peel the scab then I will let you see it bleed again and leave a darker, more permanent scar.
BUT if you trust Me, then I will heal you and the scar will only be a memory".

He then revealed to me that the reason I was struggling to "armor up" was because I was using His armor to hide not fight. I was using His armor inappropriately.

His armor is for warriors on the battlefield. Not for spectators watching from the sidelines.

When I finally opened up about what I was struggling with to my husband I was allowing my wound to "air out". In other words - God wants me to share my scabs until they are fully healed.

In the first pages of "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren it states:
"Real Spiritual growth is never an isolated, individualistic pursuit. Maturity is produced through relationships and community."

Well, here I am, again. Trying to "air out" and grow. Stepping out in faith, hoping to heal sooner than later.