How this election season showed me the area in my heart that is still not surrendered to God.

This political season has been NASTY all the way around.   

This presidential election year was brutal both inside and outside our home. My husband and I were united when it came to supporting Ben Carson but once Carson was off the ballot and the only two real ticket holders was Clinton and Trump, the battle was on. 
My husband chose to side with the Don as suggested by Carson and I decided that I would stand with Hillary.  
For most women like myself, this was a battle of man vs. woman. Both candidates were power hungry and in a power grab I wanted a woman to win. 
I believe that a win for one woman is a win for all women. 
 

My husband was not the least bit pleased with my choice considering all that she had supposedly done. I say "supposedly" because the evidence was not concrete enough for me and I wasn't about to dismiss her until the evidence was so concrete that I could stand on a solid NO in voting against the first possible woman president. 

I have always been in favor of supporting women and their gain in powerful positions primarily held by men. This, however, does not include the church. 
I don't believe that women should hold power in church settings nor grasp at the chance. Jesus made this clear when He said to "give Caesar what is Caesar's and give God what is God's." 
So, for me and because it is written in the Bible, the church should always be led by men.
BUT the world, in the other hand, is up for grabs and women have just as much of a chance at the podium of power.

Standing with Hillary seemed right because she is a woman and I, as a woman, believed that it was time to put a woman in the White House.

BUT......   

I have come to believe that God uses these political seasons to TEST the faithfulness and obedience of those who claim to "love" and "follow" Him.  To show His kids where their trust and focus lie. To show what is really in our hearts. 
For me, the BIG question was -- am I surrendered to God's will or not?
Am I???

After several weeks of debating with my very conservative spouse I came upon a scripture that really captured me. 

 "He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way." ~Psalm 25:9

When I read this scripture I had to ask Him if I was voting His way. 
Was I being humble enough to be taught by Him? 
So, as David did in Psalm 139, I asked Him to...

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

Point out ANYTHING IN ME that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life."

Well, it didn't take long for God to show me the condition of my heart and where I was still being rebellious against Him.  

I'm gonna be vulnerable enough to admit the HUGE crack in my foundation of faith: 
I am (to this very day and as I write this) BROKEN and warring against OBEDIENCE in the area of FEMALE IDOLATRY.

• I idolize my right as a woman MORE than being a follower of Jesus Christ. 
• I love my womanhood MORE than I love Jesus. 
• I have a stronger desire to protect my right as a woman MORE than I desire to please the God I say I serve. 

I knew what God's word said and I knew that what Hillary stood for in the area of gay rights and abortion was against Him but I didn't care. 
God's will and truth was not my focus. 

I was doing exactly what Romans 1:25 stated:

"They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise!"

 Because of this idolatry -- I am a rebel -- not for God but against Him. 

So, how did God catch me in my rebellion and redirect my steps? 
How did He use my strong desire to advocate for women and their rights?? 
How did He help me to put Him back at His rightful place in all my decisions???

He sent me something I did NOT want to see but could not ignore.  
He knew what it would take to break my disobedience. He sent me a child. 

A little redheaded girl. Her name is Kathy Shelton.

Honestly, when her story came across to me I chose to ignore it as one of the many attacks that were not legitimate but as I went along my way her little face kept coming to mind until after a few months later I decided to go ahead and read her testimony.
Child-rape-victim-comes-forward-after-40-years

After reading Kathy's testimony and doing a lot of research to make sure that it was not a fake claim, I knew right then and there that no matter how badly I wanted to see a woman in the White House, Hillary was not getting my vote.

Like I stated in the beginning of my blog: a win for ONE woman is a win for ALL women.

For me, Hillary left a woman behind.

A little girl that did not deserve the brutality of rape and then to be victimized again by one of her own kind. Hillary betrayed her and when you, as a woman, betray your own kind then you are traitor more than a woman.

I never want to diminish the value of one woman especially when that woman is a child.

To be a woman is of GREAT value. 

My Facebook post on election night to explain why I didn't vote for Hillary.

Hillary was not a good candidate to represent the beauty of women unity.

One day there will be such a woman and I will PROUDLY vote for her with a clean conscience and know that I didn't go against the God I love and serve.

So, with all that, I'll let Madeleine Albright close out my blog with her quote that she obviously did not remember to adhere to.

Oh, the hypocrisy!

My BIGGEST lesson as a Carsonite

WOW!
What a journey it has been to be a Carsonite (a.k.a. Ben Carson) campaign supporter. Now that his run is over I've had a chance to sit back and really think about what I've learned along the way. After all, I have never been in contact with so many churched people outside of a church wall.

I have never openly supported any presidential candidate. Ever.
Especially, someone running on a Republican ticket. I share a lot of my views with the Democratic party. But when God speaks to me, sometimes it's in a still small voice that doesn't let you sleep a wink.
I will have to say that in the beginning I was trying to figure out why God would have me walk this journey and man, am I glad that I finally said "yes".

I have known that for the past couple years God was trying to teach me more about His people and where I fit in. Well, (being the smart arse that I am) I complained to Him that He was asking me to support someone that had no political background and whether or not He was aware of that.
I mean every Christian I spoke to said that I was making a mistake and that I am wasting my time. BUT... my reply was simply, "if God tells me to hold him up and be still then I guess I am going to hold him up and be still."

Then I would get the pitiful, confused look of -- well, you're young and dumb. Good luck.

#WinBenWin

Well, I didn't need luck because God was trying to show me why He had me raised the way He did. He was staying honest to His promise to me. A promise that has always been the driving force of my obedience. Another clue of His purpose for me.

It all started after July 4th, 2015. I couldn't sleep a wink...

One of the BIGGEST issues I had with God was that I was stolen during a visitation that led to me being raised by a man who stripped me of my culture and the only language I spoke. Then I was forced to call him dad and live as a new and completely different girl, in a new and completely different culture. I, eventually, adjusted to my new person and America.

As a young girl I was heavily influenced by my new dad's views on politics and religion (or lack thereof since he claimed atheism) because I really wanted him to accept me. He loved America, guns, beer, women, movies, political news, and the power of "white". He was a proud vet that survived with several wounds and earned several medals to prove his service. He was adament that his kids take a daily vitamin and he advocated for us to break our bedtime schedule to stay up and watch the Simpsons. He loved to laugh.
He died in June of 2015. His death shook me. 

We had not spoken in 18 years and although he was my step-dad, he was the only dad I knew. I met him at about seven years old and I wanted him to love me like the dad I was ripped away from but it never happened. Although he was very kind to me and treated me well, he also avoided me to appease my mother. I know that now. I was never to be his, no matter what.
Because of that strained relationship, I had a very hard time believing that I could ever belong to a good father-like God. Especially, a God who could possibly be accepting of me. So, when God came towards me I rejected Him and His people immediately. I learned well from my dad. 

 So, what does this have to do with my journey with Carson? 

Well, the dad I was stolen from was a man of prayer and religion. He believed in God. The man I was then raised with was the polar opposite.
He didn't believe in a god and the church, to him, was full of mindless idiots. He thought all clergy were crooked, people-pleasing, perverts hiding behind a fictitious being. I'm putting it nicely but in his defense, he wasn't wrong. There are such clergies. I've met them.
I just wish that we had connected sooner so he could have seen the other clergies I've had the pleasure of meeting. Clergies who really did love God. A living God. Jesus.

Anyways, as I journeyed as a Carsonite and spoke to several "godly" and churched people at rallies and booths and through phone calls, I realized that a lot of these self proclaimed "Christians" were just as atheist as my dad.
They claimed to believe in the biblical God but when it came time to stand on that biblical God and trust His written word -- He didn't exist.

Was my dad right? DOES GOD NOT EXIST? Is He a fictitious being?

I will admit that I was quite shocked to hear from several professing Christians (especially the "seasoned") that "Carson will never win because the world is too evil. He's too nice of a guy. He's too good."
And then some Christians would say "His life story is too unbelievable."

Repeatedly I would hear the same responses from Christians and I couldn't help but wonder -- did they not read their Bible where in Romans 12:21 it says...

 "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Or the parts EVERYWHERE in their Bibles that say...

“With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” ~ Matthew 19:26

This incident was one of MANY eye-opening moments for me during this journey. Talking to people about their faith in God and then hearing them speak on politics was jarring. Especially from the "seasoned" Christians.

No wonder my generation denies God and reduces Jesus Christ down to a secular "homeboy" who loves public sinfulness. My poor generation was seasoned with these "Christians". Yikes.     

When God put it in my heart to support Carson it was only a month after my dad died and I was still in a place of grief but God was adamant that Carson was my next step. The lesson I learned in this journey was that God was right to have me raised by an atheist dad. He had a legitimate reason.

It was hard to be ripped away from a dad that accepted me as his but to see what I now see amongst God's church is that there are a lot of atheists in the church body. They read their Bible but don't believe a word of it. It's amazing and not in a good way.

 OR

God's people have just grown so weary of waiting on Him. So weary, in fact, that they will now seek their own understanding through a human that will speak whatever words they want to hear. Words that give them instant gratification but will suffocate the livelihood of future generations. They know it BUT they don't care because they're scared. Lord, help us.

Unashamedly donning Carsonite gear :)

At my Washington State caucus I was greeted by an older woman in tears who grabbed me and hugged me before I could say a word. I was the only person wearing my candidate gear unashamed. Through her tears she said: 
"we don't deserve him. We, as a country, don't deserve God's blessings. We have abandoned Him and Carson is such a good man. If he gets in office I don't think he'll be able to turn us around because our people are evil and God will give us over to what we want."

That lady was the most honest and repentant Christian I had met on this journey. She was scared for her children and grandchildren. I told her that that is EXACTLY why Carson entered this race. We are a generation walking to our own destruction. A destructive path we created and will continue in if we don't TURN AROUND.

"IF" we... then God will. God NEVER forces His will.

I first heard of Christianity from someone who was calling me a "child of the devil" in 1997. Then I  discovered the "land of Christianity" in 2009 and began exploring it in 2010 but I didn't claim land until 2012 and OH....MY...GOODNESS...... I have a long way to go and a lot of land to cover. There is so much to learn about God's people and why I have been called to join such a messy group. Am I getting closer to my purpose? Absolutely!
The people of God and their politics are something else and, unfortunately, they ain't walking towards the biblical God. Plainly, they are walking FAR AWAY from what Jesus died for.