Wednesday, April 12, 2017

When Jesus hijacks your life -- LET HIM!!!

First off, I will be honest in sharing that Jesus didn't just change my plans HE KILLED'EM!! All of them!
In fact, when I asked Him which of my plans I could hold on to He said "nothing but Me."

For several years I fought against Him but I always lost and today... I'm SO glad because I didn't know how much He wanted to bless me.

Take my advice and save yourself the headache and heartache: 

I was raised to be very analytical and so I set a lot of goals for myself. Anything that strayed from the target was quickly eradicated.
You ever meet those kids that know exactly what they want to do when they're older? That was me.

As a young girl I had literally planned out my whole life by the time I was 14.
I knew exactly what I wanted to do, how I was going to do it and even with so many odds against me, when I turned 21... I was done.

My plan was simple -- travel the world.

Of course, I never planned on meeting Jesus... 

At twenty I had accomplished the very things I had planned on since childhood and I was still miserable. 
The people who were actively in my life were good to me and I was still miserable.
I wasn't tied down to the responsibilities of kids or marriage nor did I desire it and I was still miserable. 
I had more money and materialistic crap than I've ever had or wanted and I was still miserable.
I had my own apartment (which was uncommon for first year stewardesses) but I was traveling and staying in 5-star hotels and I was still miserable. 
I could travel anywhere in the world dirt cheap but I was still miserable.

By the world's standards, my life as a young woman looked perfect.
With all the obstacles that I had broken through to get to where I was at I should have been happy but I was miserable and extremely suicidal. I already wrote about my salvation day here.

Anyways, when I first accepted Jesus into my life I had no idea what it entailed. I figured that I'd try Him out and see what happens. If I didn't like Him then I would just leave. I had nothing to lose. Right??

 But at the end of the day, I didn't care because I couldn't get away from Him. I had fallen in love with His presence. 
When I was obedient to His promptings... He was very near
 Likewise, when I was disobedient He stepped away and waited for me to come back to Him. I knew when He was near and when He was absent.
When I was told that accepting Jesus was accepting an actual PERSON into my life I didn't understand but I forged ahead anyways and I lost EVERYTHING that "I believed" was important to me.
  •  The plans that I thought I wanted was exchanged for Jesus's presence, plans, and purpose for me.
  • The toxic people I thought I couldn't live without has been replaced with people who are safe to entrust with my heart and that of my children.
  • The shameful habits I thought I needed in order to feel fulfilled has Jesus walking with me as I seek hope and healing in community with His people.
  • The isolation I thought that kept me safe but in reality was keeping me hostage has been filled with people that love me and my children.
  • The marriage I never wanted gave me my very first best friend ever. He's so gracious to me it's ridiculous.
  • The children I never wanted teach me EVERY SINGLE DAY about the LOVE, MERCY, and GRACE of the God that calls me His.
I would NEVER have imagined my life the way it is today. Never.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." ~ Jeremiah 29:11

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