2016 - Bibles for everyone - we're gonna need it.

Having it personalized was a special reminder that our relationship with Jesus is personal.
God speaks to each of His kids differently.

Every year, since 2012, I would always talk to my husband about getting personalized Bibles for the family since I felt that God was trying to do something in my life and with our family. BUT every year I would fail to follow through with my intention because, in all honesty, I really didn't see the point. 
The urge I "felt" would eventually subside and I'd realize how silly I was to purchase something I could get for free.

Besides I had better things to buy with my money and spending it on a book I didn't fully believe as "Truth" was not on my priority list.

If I really wanted one, all I had to do was simply ask the church for one. Obviously, I didn't really want one.

Then in 2013 a church I was visiting gave me a real, brand new, still in the wrap, full Bible. :)

I don't know why they felt that I needed it since I had only visited a couple times but God's timing was perfect.

My first real Bible. :)

If there was anything I needed at that time it was God's written word, in my hand, to help me. I was lost, scared and confused as to why my little family of four was being uprooted.

For a few months that year my daughter was traveling with me up north and my son stayed home with his dad. 
That was a tough year but when I look back to that time -- so much spiritual growth happened for all of us. God knew what He was doing.

Thank God for technology! We stayed connected mostly through texts.:)

When 2014 came around that Bible became my biggest comfort as I walked with a friend who was dying of cancer. He got his diagnoses and within 3 months he was gone. 
Weeks before and after his death I slept with that Bible on my chest because something inside of me hurt so bad that I literally couldn't sleep without it on me. I needed it even more when I was with his kids. 

During that time God's word became VERY precious to me. I needed it more than food.  

I lost a lot of weight during that season because I had no desire to eat. Not a good way to lose weight but a LOT of things changed inside of me.

My heart and my mind were no longer the same... I had changed.

He was gone too soon!

Then 2015 came with a whole lot of EVERYTHING. Some ups but LOTS of downs. Lots.

If I could title my 2015 year it would be: The year I held on!

Oh, I can not even begin to share how many times God has had to hold my head up so I wouldn't drown in all that was coming my way.

Just these past two weeks alone a tree almost fell into our living room, our pipes busted on Christmas Eve, our refrigerator decided to stop working and the holiday festivities are at home again since no one else could accomodate the occassion.
And the worst... I was recently notified about an evil act against children that I can't discuss right now because there is an ongoing case. My past is back. 


BUT...

I know God has a plan. I know it... and I WILL WAIT!

The tree should have fallen into our living room taking out my year round nativity. But God....

Every time I dropped down to pray all I could hear God say was: 

"Surina, just hold on to Me. I got you."

What was I holding on to?? EVERY SINGLE PROMISE IN HIS WORD!!!

•     His promise to protect
•     His promise to redeem
•     His promise to guide
•     His promise to provide
•     His promise to vindicate 

 and so many more promises to HOLD ON TO...

 
Actually, I've held on so much and so hard to the Bible given to me that it has started to fall apart. 
I tried to be more gentle and I thought about gluing or taping it together but I truly felt like it was time to finally INVEST in the ONE BOOK that I saw no point in purchasing with my own money.

Now, God's word has become so precious to me that I consider it absolutely PRICELESS.

It has LITERALLY become AIR for me! I need it DAILY!

It keeps me sane in this insane world!!!

I know that my family is entering 2016 with a FULL plate of challenges ahead of us but I BELIEVE GOD has us in the palm of His hand as we STAND FIRM on His written promises in our hands!

"Your words were found, and I ate them,
And Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart;
For I am called by Your name,
O Lord God of hosts." ~Jeremiah 15:16

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Salvation Day: Okay, Jesus, show me what You got!

"Jesus can heal you everywhere you hurt"

I'll NEVER forget those words!

The day I heard those words was just an ordinary work day. My flight arrived in Raleigh-Durham North Carolina on a sunny late-afternoon. Our team was to be there until late afternoon the next day. We had just begun the first leg of our trips and so jet lag had yet to set in.

I did my usual routine when I entered my hotel room. 

First, I would always turn on the television to a news station because I needed to know where I was at and what was happening locally. 

As the news would play in the background, I would unpack my belongings, change out of my uniform, and call up room service for a meal. 

That was my ordinary routine.

But this was NOT to be an ordinary day because when I turned on the television the screen displayed NOTHING but the blur of black and white:

Yup! Just like that...

Of course I didn't think anything of it. I just clicked the button until I could find a channel that worked and within minutes a channel appeared and I heard the words that would change my life FOREVER: "Jesus can heal you everywhere you hurt"

Now, you would think that those words would have been welcomed by someone that obviously had a lot of hurts but NOPE. My reaction was more like a "hell to the F*ck no!"  

The name of Jesus was not welcomed!!!

From the time of watching the laughable horror movie(Stigmata) to the time of standing in front of that fuzzy television screen, I had encountered enough pushy, arrogant "jesus freaks" to make me sick. 

A week prior, during a flight, I encountered a "very popular gospel group" (their words, not mine) that was shocked that I didn't know who they were because they were "famous". As a flight attendant I meet a lot of people and some were very famous but these "jesus singers" were the most obnoxious and rude passengers I had ever encountered. 

Their entitled arrogance was disgusting. I didn't want to hear nothing more about this jesus or his freakish people. I was sick of ALL of it. 

So, standing in front of the television that day and hearing the name of Jesus was not what I wanted.

I continued to try and find a different channel but that was the only channel working. I, irritatingly, called the front desk and demanded that someone fix my television or move me to a different room. The lady said that she would send up a maintenance man within 15 minutes.

After I hung up the phone, I reached for the remote to turn off the television BUT before I could, I heard a man's voice come out of this person that looked like a woman on the screen.  

Seriously, I thought that I was seeing (for the first time ever) a transvestite talking about a God. 
I was so stunned that I wanted to know MORE about this God that he was speaking of.

Well, what I thought was a "he/she" was actually a she/she with a very husky man-like voice BUT before I figured out that she was in fact a female -- it was too late -- I had received the gospel of Jesus Christ and why He came into the world.

Within those minutes she shared her testimony about sexual abuse, incest, shameful family secrets and the role her parents played. She also shared how Jesus entered her life and put her on a journey to freedom.

She then invited anyone in the audience who was ready to pray the prayer that starts "The Journey" that allows Jesus to start working. She called it "The Prayer of Salvation."

I was about to pray it BUT there was a knock at my door, it was the maintenance man. He entered and I led him to the television, handed him the remote and as he clicked the buttons... every channel worked. Every single one worked perfectly. It was so embarrassing. And I don't embarrass easily.

Feeling like an idiot, I took the remote in my hand and clicked through the channels. Seeing nothing wrong, I apologized for wasting his time and swore that I wasn't crazy.

After he left, I turned back to the channel that I had been watching and hoped that I had not missed too much but it was too late. The show was over and all I got was was the name of the speaker -- Joyce Meyer:

The short hair and husky voice really threw me off. I can't be the only one :(

Disappointed, I called my boyfriend to share what had happened and to ask if he had ever heard of Joyce Meyer or this thing called "the prayer of salvation."  

He said: Joyce Meyer? No. Prayer of salvation? Yes.  

He then explained what it was and why it was needed. I asked him if he could do it with me over the phone. He obliged. 

Before we started, I asked if there was a certain posture I was suppose to be in and he explained that it didn't matter because this prayer was a "postured matter of the heart." 

I had no idea what he was talking about but because I was raised to kneel when praying, I knelt beside the hotel bed as he guided me in praying for salvation.

Within minutes we were done and I asked him what was suppose to happen and he explained that accepting Jesus is different for everyone because it's "personal". Jesus IS a RELATIONSHIP -- NOT a RELIGION. I didn't understand.

After that day I was expecting some sort of super power to help me sleep and change my behaviors BUT that was not the case. 

I still had to drink in order to sleep and my behavior became more violent. It was like I had become worse. I was still a horrible, angry, abusive, manipulative alcoholic. 

NOTHING HAD CHANGED.... so I thought. 

Within a month, I discovered that I was 5 1/2 months pregnant. FINALLY.

And with that information, I no longer had a need for my "boyfriend". 

He became useless to the furtherance of my plans. I blogged about this earlier in choosing-to-be-mom 

Anyways, it wasn't until a whole decade later that God started to show me the significance of that salvation prayer.  

What I thought was a silly and useless prayer was actually the prayer that set me free. Jesus really had entered and started working in me and I had no idea.

I'm still a broken mess with LOTS of past garbage that God needs to continue cleaning out BUT what I have discovered is that He's willing as long as I'm willing to allow Him to continue His work. 

There is less and less garbage as I allow Him to have His way and that gives me so much hope for the future.

I don't deserve the life I have or the family I got BUT in His grace and mercy He saw something of value in me. 

I don't fully see it but I'm glad that I don't need to see it in order for Him to do with me what He wills. 

He only asks me to be OBEDIENT and TRUST Him. So, HERE I AM! 

I blog my mess and wait on Him to do whatever He needs to do with it.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."~ Jeremiah 29:11